Take pills everry day

November 24, 2020

Pregabalin is a pretty chill drug. It’s like alcohol. It makes you relaxed, kinda dizzy, open and talkative. Except while alcohol makes you super emotional and possibly angry, you are always super positive and friendly with the pills.

It’s totally unlike all the benzos, which require you to double your dosage every two days to get the same high, and eventually the withdrawal symptoms either literally kill you or make you wish you died, as every second feels like an eternity where you just want to escape from your body and mind but can’t.

But just like alcohol takes all the happiness from the next day and gives it to you now, I feel like Pregabalin does something similar. Except the place where it gets the happiness to give you comes from somewhere far in the future, and slowly destroys your normal self and your brain cells. It feels kinda spooky.

I guess the plan for now is to build the game when I’m feeling sane and healthy. And do nothing and watch cartoons the days I’m feeling shite. By the way, the estimated time to complete the game and launch it on Steam is currently 1337 years. I hope the people from 3357 AD will like it.

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gamedevlog

October 21, 2020

After trying out a bunch of different mobile gacha games, I decided to build my own game. In Unity.

I haven’t really built any games before. C#, the programming language used in Unity, is also new to me. By now I’ve learned a lot about these tools. But I’m still slowly realizing that those people on the Internet are right. Those who say that it’s best to build a bunch of simple games first before you take on an ambitious project. My code is probably trash, because I lack experience and just don’t know any better.

It’s weird that it’s hard to improve the code too. There isn’t too much advanced information on Unity on the internet. There are all these famous large games built in Unity. The know-how for building them had to come from somewhere right? But I can’t find it. There are mostly YouTube tutorials for beginners. So I guess I will just continue improvising on top of what I have now.

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A showerthought

October 12, 2020

Chestnuts dropping on asphalt is like ejaculating inside a sock

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My SSD is full

August 30, 2020

My SSD is full, but that’s a story for another time. What I actually want to discuss this time is the hard disk in my head. My memory. It’s terrible. Like, most of the days I don’t remember what I had for breakfast. It’s even harder to remember stuff that happened days, weeks or years ago. But, for some reason, there are a few parts of my brain that store and recall information really well. One of these is my memory for long numbers. Another one is the memory for Magic: the Gathering cards. And the biggest baddest storage space of them all is the part of my brain dedicated to storing embarrassing memories.

I think from time to time that I should make a conscious effort to store pleasant memories too, so that I have something to bring up to counteract all the bad ones. There’s the negativity bias and all. It’s all human nature. It’s not just me. Most people have these random flashbacks to past pitiful events, especially when going to sleep or when your brain is otherwise not occupied with anything else. So you gotta work hard to pay attention to the good stuff, because by default you take particular notice of the bad stuff. Like, a small nice thing that happened might go unnoticed. But a small annoying thing can really ruin your mood. What will matter in the end though, are all those small pleasant things that happened during your lifetime. So let’s all work harder to store these precious moments as long-time memories.

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What? You say I need to get my shit together and change? Well I already have. For the better.

Me. In high school. I got a new hoodie. It is the first hoodie I’ve ever worn, and for some reason having a hood on my shoulders makes me anxious. I keep adjusting the hood and asking people if it looks okay.

Me. In his thirties. My wardrobe only consists of hoodies. Wearing a hood makes me feel most comfortable, somehow it makes me feel less bad when I’m in the deepest of depressions.

So, there you have it. I’ve certainly improved.

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