It’s weird how after living for dozens of years you can still keep discovering things about yourself.

Like, recently I realized I kinda have aphantasia. Basically it means I’m having a hard time imagining pictures in my head. Mine is not the most severe, if I try really hard I can imagine like the grayscale horse on the image below, without any colors, just the outlines:

I never realized before that most people are actually able to see images in their head with colors and detail.

My sleeping pills work like half the time. Half the times I fall asleep, and the other half they just make me trip and experience a really weird mental and physical state with some mild hallucinations. The trips are pretty good – they make me reach new understandings and solutions. Somehow, when you just think alone in your head, the thoughts don’t flow as well as when discussing with others. But while tripping on these pills just thinking alone is as effective as talking to a therapist, or even better – the other “me”-s I experience around me give me answers and suggestions.

But all those hallucinatory objects I see are visually quite abstract, so it got me thinking – do those visions also lack detail because of my aphantasia? If I did some real hallucinogens – would my aphantasia stop me from seeing really vivid images, and I would be high on acid just seeing formless colorless moving blobs?