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I’ve read a bunch of books with religious undertones recently. They are nice, though most of them, regardless of continent of origin, write about the same stuff – how being kind and humble is the way to be. I mean, I agree with that. And hate myself for not being kind enough. But there are sooo many other kinds of books out there. Gotta read stuff from different genres to experience as many different things in your lifetime as possible.

Like, recently a friend mentioned that he started listening to the fourth audiobook of Wheel of Time. I read a couple of those books, and, well, they are like that thing. You know. That. Like, I found these results of a survey today, of which girl is the most popular in some mangas according to readers. And on the fifth place there was some girl I hadn’t heard of. I checked out the manga, and well, the girl was being bullied. In school. She was basically being tortured, in the first chapter she was bound to a chair in class for a long time and eventually pissed herself, and then the bully made her clean up the piss from the floor with her tongue. And then, at the end of the chapter, it turned out the bully was actually the one being bullied, the girl actually tortured him outside of school to make him bully her in class. And like, that girl was the fifth most popular girl character. I guess people have different tastes.

Anyway, I think my life has enough pain and misery that I don’t need to add any to it by reading painful books. That’s my opinion of the Wheel of Time series – when you read it, you really start to feel the agony the characters feel because it’s written so well. So I don’t think I’m gonna continue reading that one as my friend did. Instead, I think I’ll spice things up a bit by picking up another self-help book for a change.

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Gank Spank the Tank

June 28, 2022

I was just walking on the street, minding my own business, and some random drunk dude called out to me: “Hey, nice tank top!”. He was wearing a tank top himself.

Since then I am awfully conscious of my magnificent tank top collection, it is summer after all, I finally get to wear them, but I’m constantly reminded of the dude who commented on my attire on the street and also the time when I was an office worker and my boss told me politely to never show up wearing a tank top again.

So, acquantances and frenemies – please tell me – is it socially acceptable to wear a tank top on the street?

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Possibly not

April 10, 2022

I just remembered how I arm wrestled some average girl at a music festival 10+ years ago and lost. Since then I’ve gained 40 pounds and went to the gym a bit. I wonder if we had a rematch now, would I win?

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Some time ago I encountered some weird dude while I was having a smoke in front of the house. From the moment he saw me up until he walked past and disappeared behind the corner he was constantly cursing me, saying stuff like people like me are the reason the Republic has failed, that I’m a perv*rt and a fagg*t and that I shouldn’t exist. He was obviously completely, utterly insane (or high), but he had an amazing talent in getting under my skin and making me feel uncomfortable. I saw him a couple more times on the following days and he always spewed similar insults. Since he seemed to lack any sanity, I developed a serious paranoia that he is going to kidnap me, cut me into pieces and feed me to his dog.

After living in fear for some time, I solved it for myself by not smoking in front of the house anymore and started having my breaks behind the house during the day. I would still smoke in front of the house at night though, thinking I could avoid any encounters with annoying people that way.

But I was wrong. Just now, I was chillin in front of the house, at 2 AM, and there was some drunk guy on the street. He walked straight towards me and I could tell from his face that he wanted something from me. I tried to slip behind the corner and avoid him, but I was too slow. Fortunately, I found out that all he wanted was to fist bump me and wish me a pleasant evening. And a cigarette. I guess he noticed that I was trying to avoid him, since he said that he was not trying to be scary or anything, he was just going home. He then staggered away and left me thinking:

One day, I wish to be as self aware as that dude I met today, who even being really drunk tried to make me feel safe by being overly polite and explaining that he’s just a regular normal person.

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Not who you think it is

January 19, 2022

I really love books. You can find some amazing ideas reading them. Some of those ideas will completely change your whole being, leave an impact until you die. But let’s face it, a lot of books, especially non-fiction ones, could easily present all of their ideas with way less text, maybe as a blog post or an article.

I just remembered a funny thing that happened to me recently. And while I was thinking about it, I realized I could use the strategy that actual writers use, and extend that small memory with a bunch of filler text until it becomes literature. And that is precisely what you are reading at the moment.

So. Most of us have had this happen. You go to a shop, buy cigarettes or a beer and the cashier asks for your ID. Even though you are like 35. I understand that, better safe than sorry. Also, nowadays people wear masks so it is even harder to be sure of who you are dealing with. I also wear glasses and I love to wear a hood, which cover my natural looks even more.

Those kinds of misjudgments due to covered heads and faces can get even weirder. Recently, I was walking down the street, wearing my long winter coat with the hood on. And some guy basically catcalled me in Russian. He then walked up to me, said like “Oh. Not a girl.”, and left. I found the whole encounter funny. Did that dude think that girls normally are 190cm (6’3″) tall? I guess it might have ended up not being funny had I been an actual girl. So I feel sorry for women who have to go through that shit on a regular basis.

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